(Aditor’s note: Sharp-eyed readers of this site – both of them – will have noticed that the good doctor has been AWOL for the past couple of years. He says he’s been off working on the snack menu for The Obama Presidential Center. We have our doubts, but live and let learn, that’s our slogan.)
Well, the Doc opened up the old mailbag when he finally got back to the Global Worldwide Dispensary and here’s what poured out.
Dear Dr. Ads,
So there I was minding my own business and reading People magazine when I came across this story.
Oscar Mayer Launches a Bologna Sheet Mask — and No, It’s Not Made of Real Bologna
Oscar Mayer’s new bologna-inspired sheet masks are selling for $5 on Amazon
For anyone who ever made a face out of a slice of bologna by biting holes for their eyes and mouth, boy does Oscar Mayer have something for you.
The iconic brand is stretching itself beyond the meat and cold cut business, and stepping into the beauty world by dropping the first-ever bologna-inspired face mask.
Though not actually made of bologna, the masks — made in partnership with premier Korean beauty and skincare company Seoul Mamas — are designed to resemble slices of the deli meat, mimicking its instantly recognizable color.
They include hydrating and restoring hydrogel that promote skin elasticity, improves hydration and moisture retention, offers anti-inflammatory benefits, and provides protection for the skin.
Wait, what? Phoney baloney is supposed to sell real bologna?
Help me out here, Doc.
– Meatless in Seattle
Long way from cold cuts to cold cream, yeah? Regardless, the masks are producing beautiful results for the Bologna Barons.
According to this piece by Kelly Tyko for USA Today, “the Oscar Mayer bologna masks are sold out for now on Amazon but could be restocked. ‘Due to unexpected incredibly high demand, we are working to get the sheet masks back in stock over the coming days,’ Kraft Heinz said in a statement to USA TODAY. The masks were also listed as Amazon’s ‘#1 new release’ in beauty and personal care Wednesday.”
Here’s the meatpacker’s promotional video.
The Doc especially likes the warning at :07: “DO NOT EAT. OSCAR MAYER Bologna Face Masks Do Not Contain Real Bologna.”