Tag Archives: Amazon

Is Oscar Mayer’s Bologna Beauty Mask Just . . . Baloney?

by doctorads

(Aditor’s note: Sharp-eyed readers of this site – both of them – will have noticed that the good doctor has been AWOL for the past couple of years. He says he’s been off working on the snack menu for The Obama Presidential Center. We have our doubts, but live and let learn, that’s our slogan.)

Well, the Doc opened up the old mailbag when he finally got back to the Global Worldwide Dispensary and here’s what poured out.

Dear Dr. Ads,

So there I was minding my own business and reading People magazine when I came across this story.

Oscar Mayer Launches a Bologna Sheet Mask — and No, It’s Not Made of Real Bologna

For anyone who ever made a face out of a slice of bologna by biting holes for their eyes and mouth, boy does Oscar Mayer have something for you.

The iconic brand is stretching itself beyond the meat and cold cut business, and stepping into the beauty world by dropping the first-ever bologna-inspired face mask.

Though not actually made of bologna, the masks — made in partnership with premier Korean beauty and skincare company Seoul Mamas — are designed to resemble slices of the deli meat, mimicking its instantly recognizable color.

They include hydrating and restoring hydrogel that promote skin elasticity, improves hydration and moisture retention, offers anti-inflammatory benefits, and provides protection for the skin.

Wait, what? Phoney baloney is supposed to sell real bologna?

Help me out here, Doc.

– Meatless in Seattle

Dear Meatless,

Long way from cold cuts to cold cream, yeah? Regardless, the masks are producing beautiful results for the Bologna Barons.

According to this piece by Kelly Tyko for USA Today, “the Oscar Mayer bologna masks are sold out for now on Amazon but could be restocked. ‘Due to unexpected incredibly high demand, we are working to get the sheet masks back in stock over the coming days,’ Kraft Heinz said in a statement to USA TODAY. The masks were also listed as Amazon’s ‘#1 new release’ in beauty and personal care Wednesday.”

Here’s the meatpacker’s promotional video.

The Doc especially likes the warning at :07: “DO NOT EAT. OSCAR MAYER Bologna Face Masks Do Not Contain Real Bologna.”

Really.

What’s Up with the ‘Reform Government Surveillance’ Ad?

by Campaign Outsider

DrAdsforProfileWell the Doc opened up the old mailbag today and here’s what poured out.

Dear Dr. Ads,

I don’t read the New York Times much (I’m a Washington Post kind of guy), but I happened upon Monday’s edition and here’s what I saw.

 

Picture 3

 

That’s some Murderers’ Row, eh? But don’t you think there’s a big name missing? I’m talking about a company that collects mountains of information the government could find useful in determining what people might do next, or what like-minded people already have done.

See where I’m headed here, Doc?

– Jeff B

Dear Jeff B,

The Doc feels your pain. We’ve never gotten over losing the Acting Surgeon General gig to Rear Admiral (RADM) Boris D. Lushniak, M.D., M.P.H., who’s a total hack.

Still, we’re not really sure you fit into the picture painted by Monday’s, er, Washington Post.

Big tech companies lash out at government snooping

NSA Surveillance-Tech.JPEG-0bd40

WASHINGTON — Silicon Valley is escalating pressure on President Barack Obama to curb the U.S. government surveillance programs that vacuum personal information off the Internet and threaten the technology industry’s financial livelihood.

A coalition that includes Google, Apple, Yahoo, Facebook and Microsoft lashed out in an open letter printed Monday in major newspapers and a new website, http://reformgovernmentsurveillance.com .

Twitter Inc., LinkedIn Corp. and AOL Inc. joined Google Inc., Apple Inc., Yahoo Inc., Facebook Inc. and Microsoft Corp. in the push for tighter controls over electronic espionage. The group is immersed in the lives of just about everyone who uses the Internet or a computing device.

Oh, wait – you’re also “immersed in the lives of just about everyone who uses the Internet or a computing device.”

But you’ve been marginalized like some Mom ‘n’ Pop-Up site.

Hah!

Anyway, the bottom line is this: The tech giants are urging the government to stop glomming onto the megadata they mine.

They want it all for themselves.

Yo.