[Dr. Aditor’s note: It  is beyond dispute that no one – including myself – has noticed my five-year absence from this space. Then again, I was supposed to do seven, so I’m actually back early. Anyway, I figured I’d just pick up where I left off. Yo.]

Well the Doc opened up the old mailbag upon his return to the dispensary and here’s what poured out.

Dear Dr. Ads,

There I was, just minding my own business and reading the New York Times the other day when I came across this story.

A Billionaire Makes His Case: ‘I Don’t See Myself as Rich’

SAN FRANCISCO — Tom Steyer is a former hedge fund investor and a billionaire. Those things could be a liability for a man running for president as a progressive. But Mr. Steyer, who this month joined a field of — what is it now? — 24 people, argued this was a selling point.

“Now you know, I know everybody always describes me as being rich. That is not how I see myself,” he told an audience at a bookstore here Wednesday night. “But I can tell you this, the one thing it does give me is the right to say nobody owns me. I mean I will do exactly what I think is right.”

And all this time I thought a billion was real money. I must be wrong.

– Steymied

Dear Steymied,

Tommy-Come-Lately, who represents the ATM wing of the Democratic Party, is a leading figure in the All Those Dollars and No Sense set.

First he spends two years and $50 million on his money-pit Need to Impeach fantasy.

Now he’s saying he’ll spend $100 million on a vanity run for president and is already up on broadcast networks with spots like this one.

He doesn’t see himself as rich? He’ll be a lot less once this election cycle is over.

Yo.