Well the Doc opened up the old mailbag today and here’s what poured out.

Dear Dr. Ads,

There I was, minding my own business and checking out MediaPost’s Marketing Daily, when I came across Erik Oster’s piece about a new hands-on approach to outdoor advertising.

Heinz Gets Confrontational With ‘Smack For Heinz’ Campaign

At Louis’ Lunch, in New Haven Connecticut, designated by the Library of Congress as the Birthplace of the Hamburger Sandwich itself (although the claim is, at best, unsubstantiated) “no ketchup” is a cardinal rule. Prominently placed signs near the register make the policy abundantly clear, and patrons who have attempted to bring their own bottle into the restaurant have been known to be unceremoniously tossed out of the establishment.

The historic hamburger hangout is just one of the places targeted as part of a “Smack For Heinz” campaign running across film, OOH, digital and social media elements on Instagram and TikTok. The brand installed “smackable billboards” that dispense ketchup packets outside restaurants known for their rules against the condiment.

I dunno, Doc. Is that how you want your condiments delivered? What’s next – a block of salt, a hammer, and a chisel?

– Talkin’ Smack

Dear TS,

Just to establish a baseline, that’s the sugar pourer in use at the Doc’s house. So we’re not exactly new-fangled in matters such as this one. Or slap-happy.

Regardless, here’s the Heinz spot, which begins outside Louis’ Lunch. According to MediaPost, “it appears the restaurant may have been closed during filming — and the billboards appearing in the initial launch video weren’t around for  long.  According to the New Haven Register, the billboard briefly appeared outside the restaurant on March 7, but was quickly removed.”

The ad also features several ketchup-scorning Chicago hot dog joints. According to Carolyn’s Cooking, a true Chicago-style hot dog is “topped with yellow mustard, bright green sweet pickle relish, chopped white onion, tomato wedges, a dill pickle spear, sport peppers and celery salt.” Not a ketchup bottle in sight.

As for Louis’ Lunch, here’s what the burger place says about its ketchup-busting policy.

Louis’ Lunch is committed to serving a classic hamburger that is made with a proprietary blend of five cuts of meat, ground fresh daily. We want you to experience the meat’s true flavor, so we serve it on white toast and only offer cheese, onion, and tomato as garnishes.

One person on Reddit said, “we were told that there was no ketchup in the 1800s so we couldn’t have it now.”

As Layla Schlack reports at the New Haven Register, “people will be able to use the website smackforheinz.com . . . to report restaurants that don’t serve Heinz ketchup. The company will set up the pop-up signs that dispense packets at a select number.” (That website is currently a placeholder, presumably until the official campaign’s debut on April 2nd.)

The Doc’s diagnosis: Smack For Heinz works on the billboards, but the website should really be snitchforheinz.com. Or would that leave a bad taste?