Well the Doc opened up the old mailbag today and here’s what poured out.

Dear Dr. Ads,

There I was, minding my own business and reading the latest Fresh Hell dispatch from The Baffler, when I came across this item about how to deal with a nuclear attack.

Meanwhile, in New York City—where the average rent just hit a record $5,000—the office of emergency management quietly rolled out an animated public service announcement on Monday informing New Yorkers what to do in the event of a nuclear attack. But remember: even if you are incinerated, you will still be liable for next month’s rent.

What the hell, Doc – are we about to get nuked? Or what?

– Fallout Callout

Dear Callout:

The Doc has no idea what disaster Kim Jong ILL in North Korea or Vlad the Imputin in Russia might soon unleash upon the industrialized world, but we’re pretty sure this PSA from the Big Town’s Office of Emergency Management won’t make much of a dent.

(To be sure graf goes here.)

To be sure, Get Inside/Stay Inside/Stay Tuned is certainly better than Bert the Turtle’s Duck and Cover from the 1950s.

As the spot explains. “Paul and Patty know this: No matter where they go or what they do, they always try to remember what to do if the atom bomb explodes right then. It’s a bomb – duck and cover.”

Or if you’re children at school – duck and cover.

All of which, of course, was total nonsense and shameless government propaganda.

Regardless, new PSA or not, the Doc figures the most likely response to a nuclear attack nowadays would be Duck and Cower.

You heard it here first.