Well the Doc opened up the old mailbag today and here’s what poured out.

Dear Dr. Ads,

There I was, minding my own business and working my way through the Sunday New York Times (an endeavor for which there should be some kind of federal subsidy, don’t you think?), when I came across this ad on A7.

Who knew the big boat had lost its home and was in danger of being 1) chopped up and melted down, or 2) scuttled and sent to the briny deep. Think this effort to salvage the ship might float, Doc?

– Sink or Swim

Dear SoS,

Coincidentally (or not), here’s what appeared several days later on Page One of the Times.

Jesse Pesta’s piece details the crusade to save the SS United States launched by Susan Gibbs, whose grandfather William Francis Gibbs “designed the ship, known as the Big U, which spent nearly two decades racing between its home port of New York City and European destinations [and] still holds a trans-Atlantic speed record that it set in 1952.”

(Times deputy editor Jesse Pesta “crossed the Atlantic aboard the United States as a 2-year-old and has written about the ship extensively,” for those of you keeping score at home.)

You should read the whole piece because, well, it’s a corker. (YouTube has plenty of videos, if you’re so inclined.)

But here’s the problem that the SS United States faces.

The ship is being evicted from its pier in Philadelphia. The [S.S. United States Conservancy, which owns the ship] has just a few weeks to find a new home for the United States . . .

It turns out that one of the things that makes the ship worth saving, its immensity, is what makes it so tough to save. Not only are huge piers in short supply, but there’s not even a master list of where they might be located.

The conservancy’s website explains the legal state of play for the ship: “After a lengthy legal dispute, the US District Court in Philadelphia ruled on June 14, that the SS United States must vacate the berth at Pier 82 she has occupied for decades by September 12, 2024. In her ruling, Senior Judge Anita Brody determined that the ship’s landlord, Penn Warehousing, could not double dockage fees without notice to force the ship from her pier. But the court order established a 90-day deadline to move the nearly 1000-foot-long ship to a new home.”

Axios Philadelphia’s Isaac Avilucea reports that the courts might still buy the ship some time.

A federal judge could decide Monday whether the historic SS United States can stay in its South Philly dock for a few more months while its owners negotiate a deal to sell it.

Why it matters: The ship’s stewards, SS United States Conservancy, face a looming Sept. 12 deadline to find a new home for the 1,000-foot ocean liner — and it appears multiple parties are interested, including two who want to move the ship to Florida’s coast.

Driving the news: The Conservancy wants to push the September deadline back to Dec. 5.

Unfortunately, even that could turn out to be a pyrrhic victory. Each of the Florida counties “wants to sink the boat and use it as an artificial reef and diving destination.”

The Doc’s diagnosis: This story needs a Big U-turn if the SS United States is to finally find safe harbor.